


There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

by UselessLesbianLaughter



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU-kind of, Alternate Canon, Angst, Blood, Evil Lena Luthor, F/F, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, One Shot, Pining, Romance, Sexual Tension, Star-crossed, SuperCorp, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Yearning, a Lot of references to other works of literature in this one it's very pretentious, aching, tender and feral, what about it? don't like it? Become God., yes this might be a metaphor for homophobia yes it's very pretentious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25722235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessLesbianLaughter/pseuds/UselessLesbianLaughter
Summary: The world where Lena and Kara never made up after their fall-out. Lena wouldn't give up on her project. Kara wouldn't give up on Lena. As their moralities drifted further and further apart, their feelings for each other became more and more apparent and unavoidable. It was killing the both of them and couldn't go on any longer.Kara confronts Lena.***"How many times had she started a speech with that same breathy voice, that same just look in her eyes as though she really believed this time was going to be different.“Give it up, Kara, will you? So much of my budget goes to window repair, it’s very rude. You know these buildings have doors, right?” Lena lamented, not bothering to look towards goldilocks with glass in her hair.Kara stared at the woman hunched over a table, working against everything Supergirl stood for, once a friend, now annoyed at her mere presence, berating her for breaking too many windows upon seeing her.“I love you,” it slipped out of her."
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 23
Kudos: 223





	There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

**Author's Note:**

> blame the "stabat mater" scene in the talented mr. ripley that i've been playing over and over religiously for the past week for this. honestly though, best soundtrack for this piece if you feel like giving it a listen,  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhsu7eniPgg  
> TWs, CWs, SPOILER ALERT:  
> don't read this if you're not in a good headspace. deals with themes of suicide and dying, including actual depictions.   
> i cannot emphasise enough that this is a piece of fiction and not an endorsement of any real life suicidal ideation, if you or someone you know are struggling, reach out for help, here is a list of global suicide hotlines:  
> https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html

Glass shattering in a flash of red and blue, superhero pose, blonde hair waving in the wind. It was all so terribly cliché, déjà vu by this point.

“Lena,”

How many times had she started a speech with that same breathy voice, that same just look in her eyes as though she really believed this time was going to be different.

“Give it up, Kara, will you? So much of my budget goes to window repair, it’s very rude. You know these buildings have doors, right?” Lena lamented, not bothering to look towards goldilocks with glass in her hair.

“We know what you’re up to,” Kara took several _this means business_ steps towards her, about as intimidating as signing an email with ‘Regards’ instead of ‘Kind regards.’

“And let me guess, you’re here to save the day. Give a big speech to change my mind, fail, trash the lab and leave. Can we skip to the ending?”

“Not this time.”

“Oh?” Lena mocked, still not taking her eyes off of her project. In that, she failed to notice how close Kara had gotten until she felt the warmth of her breath on her neck, a strand of blonde hair tickling her shoulder. She didn’t turn around, only looked over her shoulder, their faces inches apart. There was a beat of silence, green meeting blue. Kara shot a glance at the floor.

“Why aren’t you afraid of me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Lena quirked an immaculately manicured eyebrow, “you wouldn’t harm a hair on my head. You’ve never been strong enough.”

“You think I’m not strong enough?” Kara asked with unexpected anger bubbling inside her. Neither moved a muscle. It was so quiet Lena thought she could hear Kara’s heartbeat.

“I don’t think about you at all,” she said with no venom, knowing how much more it would sting that way.

“No?”

“Not at all.”

“Good, then. That’ll make this a lot easier,” Kara said.

“What? You’ll detain me? Darling, I’m a Luthor, you and I both know no prison can hold me, I’ve got jailbreak in my DNA,” Lena brushed her off, her body, in contrast, turning around in intrigue. She could use the entertainment.

“In that case, I will have to dispose of you,” Kara bit back. This conversation really could’ve taken place from opposite sides of the room but as though each had a magnet for a heart, they gravitated towards each other.

“What, you’ll kill me?” Lena let out a chuckle, “You’re Supergirl, you don’t kill, isn’t that your big rule? Always with the superiority complexes,” she tutted.

“If I have to, that’s what I’ll do,” Kara replied, her features grave as ever even as Lena was mocking her.

“Do it, then,” Lena taunted but the smile dropped from her face when Kara didn’t play along, “I said do it, _now_. You and I both know you’re not going to convince me to abandon my life’s work, and you can’t keep me from it. You’ve only ever slowed me down. So if you’re going to, _do it_ ,” she took Kara’s hand and led it to the back of her head, threading her fingers through her hair, revelling in the look in Kara’s eyes, the tiny furrow in her brow, the small twitch of her upper lip, anger blending with fear, confusion, _excitement._ Taking her time, Lena led Kara’s other hand to cup her chin, almost brushing against her bottom lip.

“Twist and snap,” she whispered with a shameless sultry undertone, “quick and easy.”

Kara didn’t move. _Of course_ , she didn’t kill her. But she also didn’t take her hands away, didn’t take a step back. It was like touching a hot stove and being unable to learn. Hands burning red, unable to stop.

“What’s the matter?” Lena teased. Kara didn’t say anything. She shifted the hand cupping Lena’s chin to her neck, resting on her clavicle for a moment, drawing away, finding Lena’s elbow to cup, her breath hot and heavy, her eyes looking straight through Lena.

Lena’s lip quirked up. She batted her eyelids.

Kara took a deep breath. As though escaping from a trance, she said, “You can still turn this around.”

Lena frowned and freed herself from Kara’s embrace, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She managed to take a few steps away before Kara took her by the waist and pulled her back in. Her grip was strong enough that Lena couldn’t resist. From the look of her, it seemed almost like an involuntary movement, a reflex triggered by an activated nerve in her body. She looked _lost._

“I miss you,” she said like an actress going off script in the middle of opening night.

“Do you?” Lena breathed.

“Like someone’s ripped my heart out,” she reached out her hand to caress Lena’s cheek, “do you miss me?”

Lena turned her face away.

“No,” she said.

“Really?” Kara breathed.

“No. Does it matter?”

“I think it does.”

“I don’t like dwelling on the past. What’s done is done.”

“You could still come back. If not for the world, for me. Come back to me, Lena,” Kara pleaded, tilting her head to the side in her puppy-dog way.

“Come back to me, Lena,” Lena mocked, “Change for me, Lena. Abandon everything you’ve ever cared about for me, Lena. Kill your brother for me, Lena!” she took a moment to catch her breath, “You are a caricature of a superhero. Let go of me!” the pain in Lena’s voice was enough to shock Kara loose. Lena leaned on the table she was standing by for support. “Do I miss you? I wish I had never known you at all.”

“You don’t mean that,” Kara pleaded.

“You don’t get to tell me what I mean.”

“I have seen that reality, the universe where we never met. You were a monster there.”

“You think I’m a monster here, same difference,” Lena replied, rolling her neck to alleviate tension.

“No! You’re nothing like that.”

“Aren’t I? I’m a Luthor, right? Tale as old as time, you were born to play the hero and I was born to play the dragon you’ve yet to slay. You always knew that was going to happen, why else wouldn’t you have told me right from the start? You knew, even before me, that Lena and Kara could be friends but a Super and a Luthor could never be anything but enemies.”

Kara just stared at her, dumbfounded. She stared at the woman hunched over a table, working against everything Supergirl stood for, once a friend, now annoyed at her mere presence, berating her for breaking too many windows upon seeing her.

“I love you,” it slipped out of her like perfume squirts out of a bottle, rippling through the air, impossible to be contained ever again.

“I don’t think you what that means.”

“Of course, I do. Why do you think I keep coming back for you?”

Lena stood up straight and chuckled drily. “Not for love, you’re not. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’ve got any righteous reason, either,” she looked at Kara, “I think you just like the game.”

“I don’t,” Kara argued and paused. Lena’s gaze on her was intense, it felt as though she was the one with x-ray vision, as though she could look right into Kara’s mind and pry out all her secrets with the ease of a child digging earth worms out of the ground after rain. “I like seeing you.”

Before Lena had time for any witty hurtful retorts, Kara disarmed her with “Your turn. Why have you never tried to kill me? You have the means.”

“I never wanted to kill you, Kara,” Lena replied, part berating her for being stupid enough to even ask, part wounded, the part that still cared about what Kara thought of her. The intensity flooded out of her eyes, she dropped her gaze and pursed her lips, “I just wanted you to experience the same hurt you inflicted on me.”

“Well, you’ve accomplished that so, congratulations, I guess,” Kara said. That earned a laugh but not a petty, ridiculing one, not one of superiority, one that only came to be to take the place of spilling tears. She shook her head.

“No. I don’t think I ever will,” she replied

“Tell me what it would take,” Kara asked like requesting Lena to stab her in the heart.

“No, see, right there! You’re too fucking convinced you’re _good._ Even if I played you in all the ways you played me, Miss. Zor-El, you’d think you were doing me a favour letting yourself be hurt. You always think you’re doing the right thing, even when you’re in direct controversy with your code of ethics, you always think, deep down, that you’re _good_.”

“You don’t think so?” Kara asked.

This time it was Lena who took a step closer, just close enough for Kara to smell her perfume, then, as though hesitating, stood still before moving even closer until they were like partners in a waltz, chest to chest, eye to eye. She took a strand of blonde hair that had fallen to into Kara’s face and tucked it behind her ear.

“No,” she smiled without a hint of Duchenne, “I think people give you too much credit. I think you’re just as corruptible as anyone. My darling Kara, everyone wants to think they’re the good guy, don’t you know that? Look at you, so blind to yourself.”

“Could the same not be said about you?” Kara breathed, it was hot on Lena’s skin.

“Of course, it could. I do what I suppose is right. Same as all the best people in history. Same as all the worst. At least I’m aware of it. I never purported to be some beacon of morality. You, on the other hand–”

They stared at each other. _Stared_.

Kara crashed into Lena like a wave to the beach. At first, Lena flinched and instinctively took a step back but realising Kara was merely embracing her, hands lazily flung around her neck, chin resting on her shoulder, she relaxed.

“Aren’t you tired?” Kara asked, her lips nearly brushing against Lena’s ear.

“Are you?” Lena asked in response, not easing into the embrace.

“ _So_ tired,” it was a sigh of relief but to follow, her voice quieted down, a whisper with the faintest hint of choking. “Sometimes I think about dying in your arms. It’s the only way to get to sleep at night.”

Kara’s not sure what she was expecting Lena to reply with but it sure as hell wasn’t, “How often?”

“ _Every_ _single_ night.”

“Is that so?” Lena swallowed. She threaded her fingers into Kara’s hair. Her voice grew small for the first time in a long time. _“Me too.”_

“Where do we go from here?” Kara asked.

Lena breathed a faint laugh. “You tell me, Romeo.” A tired mockingjay.

_“Juliet.”_

Lena’s eyes grew wide. Kara’s grip around her tightened, she couldn’t see her eyes, she couldn’t hear her sobbing but she could feel her heaving in her arms. Disbelief washed over her.

“You don’t mean–”

“Look at us,” Kara interrupted, “What have we done to each other? What have we made of one another? _Beautiful monsters_. Our fighting is setting the world on fire. You and I both know, neither of us ever wanted that.”

“Don’t tell me you think we’re like Lex and Clark.”

Kara breathed a laugh, pulling apart from Lena to look into her eyes. “We’re well past those boys and their petty squabbles,” the back of her hand brushed up against Lena’s cheek. She leaned in, ghosting her lips over Lena’s. “Well, _well past.”_

Their eyes closed. It’s not clear who was moving against who anymore, they’d molten into one. It was soft and slow and a little salty, courtesy of the tears streaming down Kara’s face. It hurt just like the poets said it would.

Their lips separated; their foreheads united.

“Are you sorry? For what we’ve done here?” Lena asked.

“Never,” Kara replied without hesitation. There was no regret, there couldn’t be any, only love and sorrow.

“Then why does it have to end here?” Lena choked.

“We’ll never be free. You know that,” Kara said.

“It’s an awfully drab ending,” Lena laughed, brimming with melancholy. “Couldn’t we just run off to Tuscany together?”

Kara smiled; her hands hot in Lena’s.

“Hand in unlovable hand,” she mused. “They’d find us.”

“And that’s not how the story goes,” Lena breathed. Kara shook her head. “The Super _cannot_ love the Luthor. The Super destroys the Luthor. That’s always been the story, it always _will_ be the story.”

Kara sighed. “I cannot allow you to go on like this. But I could never destroy you,” she swallowed, wet her lips, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes, “not without destroying myself.”

Lena caressed Kara’s cheek, wiping the tears from it. “Don’t you ever wish all the world would burn so there would be no stories at all? Just _me and you,_ together?”

“All the time,” Kara admitted, her eyes as though tied to Lena’s by an invisible string, “all the time,” she shook her head with a sad smile. “But all the Greeks won’t die and we will not conquer Troy alone.”

“That’s not how the story goes.”

Kara shook her head. “That’s not how the story goes. We can never escape. It’s destiny. It’s written down.”

“Super destroys Luthor.”

“Luthor destroys Super.”

“The world goes on. We cannot be together, not in life,” Kara said.

“Only in _death_.” Lena sniffled, glanced down, back to Kara, “These violent delights have violent ends.” The whole time, a smile sadder than anything Kara’s seen in her life gracing her lips. She laughed because it’s the only beautiful sound she knew how to make in this moment and there needed to be some beauty to this travesty or she would set the world aflame.

“'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;” Kara began quoting. Lena giggled through tears. It was pretentious. It was silly. It was sincere. Kara continued. “Thou art thyself, though not a _Luthor_ ,” Lena rolled her eyes, if only a little, “What's Luthor? It is nor hand,” Kara brought Lena’s hand to her lips, pressed a bright red kiss on her knuckles, “nor foot,” she touched her hand to Lena’s thigh, her grip gentle yet firm, “nor arm,” she pressed another kiss on Lena’s wrist, “nor face,” united their lips briefly, separated, “nor any other part belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. So,” a coy smile, “ _Lena_ would — were she not Lena called — Retain that dear perfection which she owes without that title. Lena, doff thy name, and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.”

They gazed into each other’s eyes. Blue and green and blue and green and blue and green and blue.

“I take thee at thy word: call me but love, and I'll be new baptised; henceforth I never will be Lena.” And though only quote, it was a promise all the same.

“If only it were that simple,” Kara breathed, took a step closer, revealing a dagger in protective sheath. Peeling back what was hiding the blade underneath, she showed it glowing green in her hand. Her face scrunched up in pain, her breathing laboured as she handed it to Lena with a smile, pressing it into her palm.

“I surpassed my God complex for you,” she said, her voice long broken.

Lena took it, incredulous, refusing to believe her eyes.

“You planned this all along. You came to me, knowing the end,” she said. Kara nodded, shame brimming in the corners of her eyes, welling up in the salt crystals floating in her tears, and revealed a blade similar in appearance, only black instead of green, no glow, only a glint as the light from the flickering lights overhead reflected on its sleek surface.

She pulled Lena into as tight an embrace as she could, leaving each with a knife facing the other’s back. One of her hands threaded into Lena’s hair, clasping the back of her head like she’d collapse without her support. Lena, in response, did the same, their foreheads touching together, both gleaming with sweat.

“Is this the end?” Lena asked. “Is this how you imagined it?”

“You and me at the end of the world,” Kara said, “Yes. It’s exactly how I imagined it. Feels as though I’m finally getting to sleep.”

_“I love you. I love you. I love you,”_ Lena breathed, like rain. “If we ever meet again, in another time, will you love me just the same?” her voice broke “will you promise?”

“Better,” Kara said, “I will love you better. I _promise_ , _”_ on her last vowel, it’s as though her voice had been sliced in half. Lena was holding her up, blade released, her arm wrapped around her back, as the dagger in Kara’s palm met flesh, met blood. It was love at first sight. Lena gasped for air.

“Why does it feel you’ve merely punched me?” Lena choked with the hint of a smile, the taste of iron infecting the back of her throat.

Enveloped in each other’s arms, they crumbled to the ground. Lena coughed red.

“Will t-they ever,” she stuttered, struggling to take a strained breath, “ever find our skeletons? D-Do you think?”

Kara stared into her eyes, the veins in her neck glowing green, the pain unbearable. Breathing was becoming impossible.

_“Pompeii.”_

Her last words. Their blood pooled together, becoming one, keeping them warm as all the warmth left their respective bodies that no longer felt respective but one. They’d grown into each other like trees with the same roots. The last Luthor, the last daughter of Krypton, apart in life, one in death.

Spluttering blood, hearts beating faster and faster, then slower and slower, one great choir, they held each other until their limbs grew much too weak and fell limp around each other. They took their last breaths together, foreheads touching, red-cheeked, green meeting blue for the last time. How beautiful teary eyes could be. First love never dies, it’s true, but true love buries you alive.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm working on a bigger hurt/comfort project that's just a little too much comfort for me so i needed to write this one-shot as a palette cleanser. this was supposed to be a lighter piece but it just got out of hand, i needed to get all that pretentious-ass poetry and angst out of my system, putting it out there on the off chance anyone might get something out of it. and i know, i know, it's a little bit too romanticising of death but i feel like i have enough attempts at my own life and dead friends to do little a romanticisation, as a treat. but yeah, to be clear, this is a work of fiction, please don't attempt to apply any of it to your own life or star-crossed romance, there's always a better way out, there's always a better option, you are loved, you are cared for, and if not now, one day.  
> anyway, comments religiously appreciated


End file.
